Empathetic Witness

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Hebrews 4:14-16

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

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I had the privilege of participating in a unique experience this summer at a place called Onsite. It is what I lovingly call “therapy camp.” There is not a lot you get to know about it before you go other than that it is internal work done in a group setting with exactly zero technology available. The grounds are in rural Tennessee on beautiful acreage set apart from real life. Having no access to the outside world for six days in and of itself is a therapeutic and restorative process.

I have always coped with pain and problems by telling myself that many other people have it worse than I do in life. There are likely many reasons I chose this outlook, including the sad reality of watching others around me experience the loss of people close to them throughout my adolescence. My wise and caring mother always told me when I was struggling with something that “pain is relative.” It was an excellent reminder, but I don’t think I ever lived like it was true. With so much sickness, poverty, and abuse in the world, what did I have to complain about? Seemingly nothing.

I was nervous about going to Onsite because I knew I would be surrounded by people who had problems far greater than my own. And then on one of the days, they gave a definition of trauma: “trauma is when you do not have an empathetic witness to your pain.” I was still not able to say with clarity that I have ever experienced trauma because I know too many people who have. My heart breaks for what some children and adults I know have endured in their life. And yet, that phrase, “you can not heal what you do not feel and you can not feel what you do not name” kept swirling around in my mind. Part of healing the wounds is naming them in the first place. If I continued walking around acting like I never had any problems, the ones I had would only escalate over time.

What I do know and am eternally grateful for is that I have had an empathetic witness all along. His name is Jesus. Now, there have certainly been times in life I did not turn to Him in my pain, but when I do, the peace is there. Also, the pain does not necessarily leave (a myth I think some have been told), but we are built to hold both it turns out. Pain and peace are not mutually exclusive, but one binds up the other. Jesus died what is considered the most painful death ever not because of the horrific physical pain--though it surely was--but because of the separation that occurred in His soul from the Father in the task of packing into His being the wrath for all. A moment without shalom was a steeper price than we can imagine for the Son of God. At His last breath, Jesus quoted Psalm 22, “Eli, Eli, lema sabaktanei?” that is, 'My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?'” (Matthew‬ ‭27:46‬)

The very act of our God putting on flesh to experience everything from a stubbed toe to relationship betrayal to wrongful death is worth our gratitude. What other god does this for his people? I believe that while the atoning sacrifice was the ultimate and always-planned-ahead-of-time goal for the life of Christ, I also believe that as today’s passage says, we have a companion in Christ who knows all from experiencing all. He not only knows us because He created us, but knows us because He is us—sans the sin.

My fourth grader is encountering many painful parts of life this year (as fourth graders do) and keeps asking me, “Mom, did you go through this, too?” There is a kind of empathy that only comes from direct previous experience. It is my long-held belief that we encounter trials and pain exactly for the purpose of being an empathetic witness for someone else. Just as last week’s blog talked about our unique giftedness and wiring having a purpose, so do our unique hardships. I do not believe God ever wants pain and suffering for His children, but I also believe it is not wasted. The point of getting healing is to become a healer.

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‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭53:4-5‬

“However, it was our sicknesses that He Himself bore, And our pains that He carried; Yet we ourselves assumed that He had been afflicted, Struck down by God, and humiliated. But He was pierced for our offenses, He was crushed for our wrongdoings; The punishment for our well-being was laid upon Him, And by His wounds we are healed.”

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By His wounds we are healed. It strikes me in reflecting on this passage that it is actually a responsibility of the believer to get healing. We are not guaranteed a life free of pain, disease, or problems, but we are promised a Healer and an Empathetic Witness. If we claim to follow the Way, our aim is to emulate this empathy in the lives of others.

What have you been healed from? Set free from? Delivered from? Someone else needs that, too. It is my experience that when I remember to ask God to show me people who are in need, He will. For some, this task is easier than others. Empathy is not easy for me. I want to fix it. I want to do something about it. But Someone else already did. I am beginning to see that my words and actions often matter less than my presence. My husband is excellent at this. He’s a show-upper. He doesn’t need to talk a lot about it, but he’s really great at quietly being there for his people. Perhaps our past pain has a person in the present attached to it. Goodness knows that trauma abounds in our aching world. Perhaps if we look up, we will see an opportunity to step into someone's story as an empathetic witness.